Just when you thought you had heard it all when it comes to relationship ghosting, and unfortunately in my case, having had the wonderful first hand ghostee experience to put my dating expertise to the test, we now have to tackle 'benching' being the dating terminology of the quarter. So what is it, who invented it and who gave it the awful name? Shouldn't it just be called fencing? After all, isn't it just sitting on the fence with someone?
It's hardly mind boggling stuff but I would love to know who is sitting around giving dating experiences catchy names and making playing with other peoples feelings sound clever and cool. We have well and truly gotten to grips with ghosting/ being a ghostee but now we have to consider if we are benching someone or if we are being benched. Apparently.
There are two types of benching someone. A) If you've got the single status and you're dating someone but not quite sure if you want them but are not quite willing to let them go, so you're basically always on the fence. B) If you are in a relationship with someone and you may not be sure if you want to be with them but you would rather not let them move on and be with someone else. Call it cruel but according to the latest relationship columns it's true.
In my opinion, it all comes down to technology making it easier for us to be more evasive with both what we really mean when it comes to how we feel and the time we give to others; especially on the dating scene. As far as I am concerned technology makes us less socially fluent and only heightens the sense that the grass may be greener on the other side when it comes to love.
Jason Chen, writer and editor of New York magazine says that benching is essentially when you are dating someone and you stop texting or communicating with them (almost ghosting I would say) then wham, you drop them a text to check they are still hook, line and sinker for you. According to Chen, this means you are not letting them move on but you are not committed to the cause with this potential partner. Boy oh boy, benching; how tiring.
So is benching the new ghosting? Have we lost our minds and the art of communication with other human beings when it comes to relationships of the most intimate kind? Benching seems like a no-closure, non-committal concept whilst ghosting is cut-throat leaving someone high and dry. These terms describe the online dating culture in a nutshell but just because they are dubbed with cute names doesn't mean we have to like them, or more importantly, do this to someone for any reason in the relationship sphere.